Lately, and even more today, I have felt stupid. All kinds of stupid. I have felt the dull, hot, muggy kind of stupid, which is a feeling just like hot and cold, and I have felt the dumb, moronic, unchanging stupidity, which is attributed to character.
And then I see the pansies, growing in their plotted patches. Their colors so disperse, and their shades so subtle; a molted mix of gradations, blues, periwinkles, violets and a rich purple just coming to its own.
Or I stumble upon a blow, and find a shield has already been thrown around me.
I must admit that I'm feeling a little artsy today, for I spent a few hours in the library. I skimmed the chapters of a few books, but mostly I went to read poetry. A volume of poems concerning the ocean (The Eternal Sea), and a thinner, older 'folio' of 'ballads' depicting books. Ah, love! To top of my literary mood, I picked up a fine arts collection of local origins, and thought of how, in just three or four months, my perception of my own abilities has changed.
Perhaps that is why I feel stupid. Change distorts the frame you had constructed for the world. It changes the value of x, if you may, and if you forget that the value has changed you end up with the wrong answer. And then sit there feeling stupid. Wondering why.
I finally mailed out the pictures for my visa, which is both relative and good news. I hope it gets there by Thursday, but I suppose it isn't likely to. My waiver is, to the best of my knowledge, winging its way to me as I type. Once it gets here it will be promptly sent out to its final home, as it should've been three weeks ago. More things to do, and more things to have done yesterday. Life is a frontier, nee?
"Change distorts the frame you had constructed for the world. It changes the value of x, if you may, and if you forget that the value has changed you end up with the wrong answer."
ReplyDeleteVery good! This partly explains why so many people are feeling increased stess. The formulas we've learned, perhaps only recently, don't give satisfactory answers anymore. It's not just the value of X. We are increasinly required to solve equations with multiple variables in constantly shifting ranges. I do not think that faith provides the answers; but it does provide a stable central core that allows us to constantly make the attempt.