"Never Been Unloved"

Some days are just bursting. Some days are just bursting with God's splendor. Overflowing with glory; exploding with wonder; oozing with promise.  Somedays you know that you have "never been unloved." These are Romans 5:8 days at their best. They make you want to... to... to break out, or something.  

      Friday I got a package from Japan. A sweet little packet of goodies for my trip. You can be sure I spent all of yesterday reading One Rock at a Time. 

Every book I've read about Japan is like a another piece of  a 3-D puzzle. With every piece from a different point of view. The first book I read, The Wind is Howling, was from the perspective of  a Japanese lady who, for a large portion of her life, was unsaved. One Rock at a Time is a completely opposite situation. Mr. Oxley, the human focus of the story, was an american who became a dedicated christian at age twelve. His whole life was devoted to showing others the incredible truth of God. Ayako-San spent most of her time searching for God. How strange and beautiful; God's story reaches every situation, every possibility. God is nothing if not diverse, and yet He is always the same. The story of His love never changes.

Can you tell I'm feeling a little wordy? If I had a shrink I could spare you my ramblings. Of course, I could always try practicing restraint. That will be easy, as I update you on my to do list. I need to:

• Research airplane tickets. Which requires me to:
• Figure out when I'm coming home  
  

Not that hard. But a little time consuming. I also need to mail my health waiver (I finally got a signed copy). I've been really bad about doing things promptly, but I trust the details will all come together. Church was on the last few chapters of Job today, and it's evident from them that God is into details.  

 

Fractions - to the tune of "Bad Day."

               

  Lately, and even more today, I have felt stupid. All kinds of  stupid. I have felt the dull, hot, muggy kind of stupid, which is a feeling just like hot and cold, and I have felt the dumb, moronic, unchanging stupidity, which is attributed to character.

 And then I see the pansies, growing in their plotted patches. Their colors so disperse, and their shades so subtle; a molted mix of gradations, blues, periwinkles, violets and a rich purple just coming to its own. 

Or I stumble upon a blow, and find a shield has already been thrown around me.  

I must admit that I'm feeling a little artsy today, for I spent a few hours in the library. I skimmed the chapters of  a few books, but mostly I went to read poetry. A volume of poems concerning the ocean (The Eternal Sea), and a thinner, older 'folio' of 'ballads' depicting books. Ah, love! To top of my literary mood, I picked up a fine arts collection of  local origins, and thought of how, in just three or four months, my perception of my own abilities has changed. 

Perhaps that is why I feel stupid. Change distorts the frame you had constructed for the world. It changes the value of x, if you may, and if you forget that the value has changed you end up with the wrong answer. And then sit there feeling stupid. Wondering why. 

I finally mailed out the pictures for my visa, which is both relative and good news. I hope it gets there by Thursday, but I suppose it isn't likely to. My waiver is, to the best of my knowledge, winging its way to me as I type. Once it gets here it will be promptly sent out to its final home, as it should've been three weeks ago. More things to do, and more things to have done yesterday. Life is a frontier, nee? 

Inattentive

Last week was so full of good, challenging, solid thought that every impulse of my mind was towards sharing it with you. I finished The Wind is Howling, read excerpts from Nietzsche and Marx, and flipped around in C.S. Lewis' Surprised by Joy. But, as you are all well aware, there was no fruition to all this industry. And what ever profit we can hope was attained from such employment can now find no proof and share no gain. 

Other unrealized plans have fallen victim to this peculiar idleness. Mainly the entire absence of stamps from my office. How can I mail out pictures for my visa, or my stack of prayer letters, without postage? A journey to Wal-mart on Thursday resulted in unexpected photos, but none of the small sticky squares I was after. A similar experience on Saturday, only this time a the post office, meet another dismal end. Who could have foreseen that such a necessary establishment would close on a weekday? At any rate, I should be able to mail out my Visa photos on Monday, and I shall probably attempt another search for those evasive stamps as well. Until then, to pacify my poor conscious, I am uploading a pdf of my prayer letter (which will require you to click on it in order to see it proper). 

As a parting note, and in way of explanation, I have been listening to Mansfield Park all day, and I fear that it has rather colored my speech. But I have no worry on the account, it is sure to pass in nine or ten chapters. 

Living on the Surface

I started on my homework today. My homework for Japan. I got The Wind is Howling from the library. There are so many things to say about it. Mainly that I'm very impressed. I have not thought even half so deeply on life. Reading Ayako-san's story, how she pondered so many hard questions,  I feel inadequate. Why have I never taken the time to consider so seriously the underpinnings of life?  I think it is because, even when I didn't know what it meant, I always had a 'christian' outlook*. And this outlook, while it didn't explain away everything, made it easy for me to brush away serious concerns. On the other hand, I do remember being obsessed with Ecclesiastics a few years ago.  Perhaps I managed to get the majority of my questions out while I was young, and therefore do not feel the need to think of them again as a I get older. I think I'll take this book as an opportunity to remedy that fallacy. 

  At any rate, Ayako-san's book is so interesting, and so easy to get into, I must guard against the sin of not actually reading it. Since it is a library book I can't write in the margins, as I have been learning to do in my schoolbooks, and that makes it difficult to actually respond to the ideas presented. Reading deeply, which is what I should be doing, is like a conversation. Reading with out responding, which is much easier, is like attending a lecture where you don't take notes. 

*This outlook is commonly referred to as a christian worldview. It is used with the understanding that just because we both say we are christians doesn't mean that we see the world in the same light.